I miss you.

I always envisioned my friends being the ones that my kids would call "Aunt"/"Uncle" without even batting an eye to them not being related. I always thought that we'd have fun together, kids included. However, truth is, that doesn't happen.

I think my kid-less friends seem to forget that I'm still me. No, I don't want to go out on a weeknight, but come on, it's time to grow up anyways. Yes, I still would like to be included on girls night out, home parties, concerts and shopping trips. I still love to watch movies, I still like to lay by the pool, I still like to drink wine and complain about our lives, it's just that I have a tiny human companion now.

& let me tell you something about that tiny human. He's my whole world, he's my whole life, and I love him more than anything. He also comes first in my world. Sorry if that doesn't work for you, but that's how it will always be, so suck it up.

So "hanging out" may consist of movie and popcorn at our house with the baby, but he doesn't make a ruckus (yet anyways lol). I will do my best to get a sitter for other outings, but if I can't, I hope you understand that I will not be tagging along. I understand, as well, that you have different priorities. I understand that drinking, parties, and being reckless is still your thing, and I love a good party, but I don't want to party three times in a week. A good party once a month, sure, count me in.

I also want you to know that I suck at life. Yes, I said it, and it's the truth. The moment that that sweet boy came into my life, I forgot how to keep up with everything, friends included. My cleaning, my laundry, my job, my own needs, my husband's needs... Yeah, they've all been neglected, but it's worth it. I may not call or message you first, but I'm still here. I'm doing my best to be the best mother and wife that I can, so I apologize to you, because our friendship has suffered and it's partly my fault. But, the really sad part is that you don't hold up your end either.

I look forward to when you say you'll drop by or meet me for lunch, but when you don't show, my heart is broken. Sometimes I just need that 20 minutes of conversation outside of baby talk and my husband talking about motorcycles and fields to feel normal again.

I promise to not babble on about my cloth diapering, baby wearing, or healthy lifestyle (unless you ask of course). I do want to hear what's new with you, good or bad. Please, give me a breath of fresh air because sometimes I don't even get to see the daily news or gossip.

My baby boy is more important to me than anything, but I still need you. I can't live in this world without my best friend. I miss you.